As some of you know by now.... We are very sad to say that Baby August didnt have a good report at the Dr. today. We found out that Baby August has stopped growing and i will be miscarrying. We of course are very very very sad and as my title says Heartbroken. We know God is in control and he has a reason and a plan but it still hurts. We know we will make it through this but it will take time to heal this awful pain. Its so unreal how much you can love someone you've never met and someone that you've only know for such a short amount of time. And on top of it all we are having to explain to CG something we don't know or understand ourselves. She is very upset (made many comments about wanting to hold baby August) but i think she is understanding that Jesus took baby August home with him. We have tried our best to explain to her that we don't know why but God has a plan. I dont know what else to say, sorry if im rambling but it helps a little to "vent" i guess you could say. I of course am in the very sad stage but im also starting to feel a little anger. Not towards God or anyone just in general. Hard to explain. And like i told my wonderful hubby and My Mom.... im "showing" a little, and i still feel pregnant ... b/c i am....and i still have all the pregnancy symptoms due to me still being pregnant, and im just waiting for the baby im carrying to deliver. Thats a very hard Concept to grasp.
Well i hope all is well with everyone else and sorry this had to be a yucky entry but its one that had to be done. Thanks for the love and many many prayers. That is what will help us through this.
We Love you "Baby August"!!!
Edit- I dont really know how to put this... but i hope this entry doesn't come across as me being a "cry baby" or "whinny" person since i found out at 10 wks and 2 days that the baby i am still carrying is not going to live. I know people that deliver full turn or even further along than i am, or people that loose children have it much harder than i do. But i must say this hurts A LOT too! I can only imagine how those people feel and how long it takes them to get through the "grieving" stage of loose a child. I may not have this baby for long but Baby August was and is still part of our family, and to us is still a child we lost. For those of you that have lost a baby I will pray for you as well. I now, unfortunately, have a glimpse of the awful pain you went through....
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Candice, I don't think anyone could read this and think you're being whiney or a cry baby. What you're going through is truly devastating and completely awful and it doesn't matter how it compares to what others have gone through. This is your situation and your story and you're allowed to grieve in whatever manner you find appropriate and helps you most. I love you and am praying for you during this very sad time.
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